Give me a break!

There are some serious misconceptions regarding the day, 9^th January, 2011, the day I fell down from my window, on the fourth floor, of my building. 

If you guys are thinking, I tried committed suicide. Well! No! I love my life too much to consider ending it. In fact, I have plans to travel the world, to see the Vatican, the pacific, the African forest. So, I am not dying anytime soon!

But people never stop talking. Even when they have no idea regarding the matter. During my accident, I learnt great many things about people. There are some who really cares. And there are some, not really "some", quite a "handful", who pretend to care only to stab me at the back.

I had my share of experiences with the later. Yesterday afternoon, my grandmother called my brother. I heard her shouting at my brother. So, I silently asked him to put the phone on loudspeaker. It was quite evident, she was angry with my brother. According to her, I am a wrong influence on him. What really broke the straw are her words “Don’t listen to your sister! She is mad! Otherwise, she would not have jumped from the fourth floor!”

After my accident, people have talked bad things about me. They have sometimes termed me as a loser, who tried to end her life. Sometimes they have called me mad! It mattered at first. There harsh cruel words were like thorns against my heart.  After a certain point, it did not matter. But, yesterday, when I heard those words from my grandmother, I was unknowingly hurt. I thought she trusted me enough to believe that I would never do something like that. But my only mistake was I trusted her way too much. At least, I got to know what she really thinks about me.

I could have shouted at her. She would have been startled. But, I remained quiet, knowing that no matter what I do, I can never change people's opinions of me.

Energy shots for a better life

At times, it does not hurt to take a little bit of boast from the outside world. Well! These pictures are my energy shots when my heart and morale get plummeted because of an approaching hurdle or a failure.

Hope, I helped someone with this post!

I follow this quote word to word. After all,
where is the pleasure in a fight without an opponent?

Oh! love this! how true! If only we learn to stand up every time we fall, there won't be any sad faces left on Earth!

I always tell this to my dad!
He has this stupid habit of waiting for things to happen!
arrrrrgggghhhh!

Aaahhh Dreams!! The elixir of life!

Very true!

Adventures are what makes life worthwhile! The journey may be difficult
but the end always holds the cornucopia filled with pleasure and satisfaction!

I try not to hate but I fail! I have to change myself soon!

My other name should have been "mistake" as I have made
so many in my life! But I am happy! I know they make me strong!

Yes! Indeed!

When sadness engulfs you, touch your heart..feel the beats...
That is enough a reason to live<3

P.S: These pictures are not taken by me. I have collected them from the net. 

Chicken Croquettes Recipe (Indian Style)

~Ingredients~
500 grams minced chicken (boiled)
2 small onions (made into paste)

2 tsp Garlic paste

1 tsp Ginger paste

1 tsp cumin seeds

1 tsp peppercorns

1 red chilli

1 tsp Dijon mustard

1 inch cinnamon

1 clove

2 tsp turmeric powder

1.5 tsp parsley (made into paste) or dry parsley leaves

0.5 tsp lemon juice

100 grams bread crumbs

2 eggs

Salt and sugar to taste

~Procedure~

1) Take a frying pan and sauté the spices except the garlic, ginger pastes and turmeric powder for few minutes until you get a pleasant roasted aroma. After, the spice mixture cools down, grind it.

2) Take the minced chicken and add to it the boiled potatoes. Knead it thoroughly. To the chicken-potato mixture, add ginger paste, garlic paste, onion paste, parsley paste, lemon juice, roasted spice mixture, turmeric powder, salt and sugar(as per individual preference). Knead the mixture thoroughly and make it into dough. Now, make medium croquette shaped chicken balls from the mixture and keep it aside.

3) Take a bowl and break the eggs. Add a pinch of salt and sugar, mix well. Now, dip the chicken balls one by one in the egg batter and roll them on the bread crumbs.

4) Heat oil in a frying pan and fry the chicken croquettes until brown, 5 to 8 minutes per side.

5) Sprinkle some fresh coriander and serve hot with tomato ketchup or any other sauces.

My life's motto

Fighting Loneliness.....

I don’t keep expectations from people, I know they will let me down. Should I cry for that or should I feel okay? I have not yet figured it out. 

Just last week I found myself surrounded by my loneliness, there was no one to talk to, no one to hear my inner grievances. But I am not one of those who bows down before this stupid merciless brute, loneliness. I decided to fight it!

One thing that experience has taught me is never to stoop before difficulties, otherwise they seem too daunting. I remember when the doctors took me towards the operation theater, I repeatedly chanted “I am a Fighter! I can do this!”

Though it did not lower my fears, it gave me the strength to go on with it. So, last week when I found myself alone and betrayed by the people I love, I did the only thing I could. I fought back. I indulged into those activities that I love. I went pandal hopping with my mum, took loads of pictures (will be uploading soon), did the narration of a musical, took part in a cooking competition (came in the third position). I have never felt more happier, more satisfied.

That’s what I love most about life, its duality. After all “behind every dark cloud, no matter how black the sky is, there is always a silver lining” 

Goan Chicken Curry (Chicken Vindaloo)

I first cooked this dish, three years back, for my Mami, my Uncle’s wife. She was taking part in a Food Fair. I helped her in putting together all the spices. Today, as I woke up in the morning (well! It was not really morning!), afternoon, my dear brother informed me that my complex in coordination with The Telegraph has organised a cookery competition. Cooking has always been one of my passions. So, I jumped at the idea of taking part in the competition. 

I love Goan cuisine. Goan cuisine is the amalgamation of three cultures, the Portuguese, the Hindu and the contemporary Indian. Goan foods are rich in spices and have wide variety of flavours from hot to sweet to sour. The traditional ingredients are coconut milk, kokum, tamarind and seafood. In this recipe, I have used chicken and tamarind and various Indian spices.

~The Recipe~

For Vindaloo Marinade:

1 tsp cumin seeds

1 tsp coriander seeds

1.5 tsp mustard seeds

1.5 black peppercorns

2 whole chillies

2 cloves

1.5” cinnamon (broken)

2 tsp ginger paste

2 tsp garlic paste
1.5 tsp turmeric powder

Salt to taste

For Gravy:

8 medium sized (about 800 grams) chicken

2 big onions (finely sized)

2 bay leaves

3 green cardamoms (crushed)

1 or 2 green chillies (optional)

1 tbsp tamarind pulp

2 tsp each of vinegar and sugar

2 cups hot water

2 tbsp white oil

Salt to taste

Procedure:
1) Roast all the ingredients For Vindaloo Marinade, except the turmeric powder and ginger garlic paste, until you get a pleasant roasted aroma. After the mixture cools down, grind it. Mix with it the turmeric powder.

2) Poke hole in the chicken with the help of a fork. Now, thoroughly rub the marinade mixture (step 1) and the ginger garlic paste all over the chicken pieces. Marinade the chicken pieces for few hours or for at least one hour if in hurry.

3) Heat white oil in a heavy bottomed pan and fry the bay leaves and the crushed cardamoms for a few seconds. Add the sliced onion and fry for 5 minutes or till they are light brown in color. Add the chicken pieces and fry for another 5 to 7 minutes or till the chicken pieces are light brown in color.

4) Now add the slit green chillies (optional), hot water and salt. Cover on low heat for 15 to 20 minutes or till the chicken pieces are tender and soft.

5) Add the tamarind pulp and mix well with the gravy. Put the gravy to simmer over low heat for another 5 minutes. Now add the vinegar and the sugar. Adjust the balance as per the individual preferences.

Note:

1) This dish can be enjoyed with Jeera Rice, White rice and Indian Roti.

2) Since the Whole red chillies are being used for the marinade, the green chillies are optional. But, again it depends on the individual preferences.

3) To roast the spices, take a frying pan and sauté the spices for few minutes or till you get a pleasant roasted aroma.

The Story of a Cursed Dreamer!

Once upon a time, there was a frivolous girl who jumped at the mere indication of fun and frolic, who saw life as a gamble, who loved with her complete heart. She was happy, very happy with the way her life was. There were no expectations, no responsibilities, no limitations. She led her life on her on terms.

But Life had something else in store for her. One day, she found herself in a hospital bed. She thought of blaming her luck but her conscience forbade her. Her heart knew that it happened because of her frivolity. She was sacred, she thought she would die. But some secret power gave her hope, pushed her to remain strong. Deep down she knew if she overcame this hassle, she will no longer be the same.

After three months, she was released from the hospital. Since then she had a steady recovery. She looks the same, she speaks in the same dreamy tone, but something was not the same. Gone are the sparkling dreamy eyes. Instead, she bears a grave look, a look that speaks of pain, inner sufferings and desperation.

Time and again, I get to see the glimpses of that frivolous girl. She desperately calls me, to free her from her life of restrictions and solemnity.

Standing in front of the mirror, I look at her broken shadowy reflection, half wishing, half praying to do the impossible.

Durga Puja 2012 (Part 1)

At the present, Kolkata is vibrating with colours, merriment and unbound happiness.

Yesterday night, I went with my mother for pandal hopping. We both are pandal hopping fanatics! LoL!
Here, are some of the pictures of the pandals, the idols that I took during our adventure.
Enjoy! J

This pandal was made with coloured balls.

Lord Ganesh, Goddess Laksmi, goddess Durga, Goddess Saraswati, Lord Kartik (from left to right)

Goddess Durga

Goddess Durga with Ganesh, Lakshmi, Kartik, Saraswati

The statue of Lord Buddha at the entrance of a pandal

Goddess Durga with Ganesh, Lakshmi, Kartik, Saraswati

The harbinger of autumn, the everlasting Shiuli Phool<3 

Goddess Durga with Ganesh, Lakshmi, Kartik, Saraswati

A pandal which recreated the atmosphere of Prinsep Ghat

Goddess Durga with Ganesh, Lakshmi, Kartik, Saraswati

A pandal made with jute cloth and wooden ice cream spoons

A pandal made with aluminium sheets

Goddess Durga with Ganesh, Lakshmi, Kartik, Saraswati

Goddess Durga

Will be uploading some more pictures soon! Stay tune!

F-R-I-E-N-D-S

I first heard about her in class five, when someone said “She is crying again!”

Then, I first saw her in class six, she sat behind me. She and I had one thing in common, we both love “Shah Rukh Khan”.

Back then if someone would have told me that she will become my shadow, I would have laughed. To her, I was the most irritating, nayka (sissy) girl. But the one common thing (SRK) brought us together. During the lunch break, we often sang some of the tunes from Veer Zaara.

Over the years, life brought us together again and again. Still, I was unaware that she will become a part of my soul. Life has tested our friendship. We have often cried, we have often fought, we have often laughed. But nothing could batter the strong foundation of our friendship, our mutual trust and our mutual respect. We are just the opposite. She is frank, rational, emotional and I the impulsive, carefree dreamer.

I can never comprehend how we became friends. But at times, the answer is so obvious, she is the dose of reality that I need from time to time, she is the steady wind that propels me towards a better me. 

She is the only one from my past, who has stayed, who has accepted me for who I am, who has understood me before my explanation.

Reality or Fantasy?

I have been often termed as a dreamer. In fact, I have heard it so many times that these days it hardly matters. I often thought of penning down some facts about the world of a dreamer but somehow I always avoided writing it.

Recently, my uncle Bob has come from Mauritius to visit our family. He is my closest uncle, my mentor and also a clinical psychiatrist (having three doctorates from Harvard University). So, when I told him that I am applying to the top universities.

He told me “Sweetie! You are living in the dream world!”

It was similar to a blow. I was hurt!

Dreaming is my defense mechanism. It gives me the strength to fight reality.

I have seen enough reality; since my childhood, I have struggled through the dilemma of being a middle class dreamer, I have seen how some people are given things easily whereas others have to earn it, I have seen how the hard experiences of life breaks a person, I have seen how hard it is to survive in the existing struggle for more and more.

Reality is hard and when it pays a surprise visit, it just knocks the world of the host.

Dreaming is my sanity, my space. It is the drug that I need at the end of the day, it is the balm that helps me forget, not for long but for some time, the harsh reality that is yet to come.

So, I close my eyes and dream.....

Putting on Weight!

I never had a perfect zero figure but that hardly mattered; I was happy the way I was. After the accident, the two things that I miss the most are my old dresses and my old self. 

Previously, I was a carefree girl with sparkling eyes, who was never scared. But lately, the later part has become more prevalent. Moreover, I have gained weight. I can no longer touch the beautiful dresses in my cupboard. Every morning as I prepare myself for my tuition or some other appointments, I face these sudden bouts of frustrations and self loathing.

Putting on weight has affected me more deeply than I ever expected; it has crushed my most priced self confidence. Sometimes, when I feel drawn to someone, the questions “What if he snaps the conversation after finding out I am fat?” “What if my heart gets broken in the way?” cloud my mind and overwhelm me.
Only yesterday, I remember telling my friend “It is better to be committed to my blog than be committed to a boy; at least my blog won’t fail me!”

Butter Chicken (Murg Makhani) Recipe

Butter chicken or Murg Makhani is an Indian dish originating from the northern part of India. The chicken is cooked in tomato puree and butter.It is a flavourful dish, easy to cook and perfect for any occasion.

Enjoy! 

For Marination:

800 grams Chicken cut into pieces

1 tbsp slightly sour Yoghurt

1 tbsp Vinegar or Lemon juice

1 tsp Coriander powder

2 tbsp Tandoori Masala

1 tsp Ginger Paste

2 tsp Garlic paste

Salt to taste

For Gravy:

4 large tomatoes (Chopped, deseeded and made into a puree)

4 tbsp Butter

1 tbsp Fresh Cream

1.5 Tbsp Cashew paste

Salt and sugar to taste

1 tsp kasuri meethi leaves (Chopped)

Procedure:

1.       Prick holes and make cuts in the chicken pieces. Make a paste of all the ingredients mentioned under For Marination and rub it thoroughly over the chicken pieces. Keep it aside for 1.5 hours to two hours. For best Flavours, marinade the chicken overnight.

2.      Take a heavy bottomed pan and heat the butter. After the butter starts to sizzle, put the marinated chicken on it. Cover and cook for about 10 minutes or till the chicken is fully cooked or water has come out of the chicken.

3.      Now add the tomato puree, salt, sugar and cashew paste and cook uncovered on medium heat for about 5 minutes till the puree thickens and the fat seperates.

4.      Stir in the beaten cream and add the Kasuri Meethi leaves. Cover and simmer on low heat for about 5 to 7 minutes or till the curry is consistent and the chicken is properly cooked.

Just before serving the Chicken, pour melted butter over the curry. Garnish with a swirl of fresh cream and finely chopped coriander leaves.

Note:

1.      For a thick smooth cashew paste. Put the cashew in water for half an hour. Then grind to paste.

2.     This dish can be served best with Jeera rice, Indian Roti, Naan.

The Story of a Crushed Rose!

When people see my mother, they see a happy polished woman ready to welcome everybody.

But living with her for twenty years have taught me how fake external appearances can be. My mother is the most demanding, the most innocent woman. She guards her children like a safe containing gold and cares too much about others opinions of her.

But, when I really look into her, I see a woman trying really hard to create her identity, a woman who has been broken down by the atrocities of life.

I remember, once, while going through my mother’s cupboard, I found a book “Shesher Kobita” by Rabindranath Tagore. It was not the book that intrigued me but the poem written on the first page of it. The amazing lucidity of the words and the naked display of emotions and love stirred the inner romantic in me.

In the end, it was written:

“Yours Geeta!”

The poem was for my father and it was written by her, My Mother.

At times, I feel scared thinking that she has squandered too much of her time on me and my brother. I am scared that one day, when she will look at her reflection, she will see a face speaking of resignations and disappointments, not for us but for her, for giving up her life, her dreams and everything that could have been her.

And there lies my fear, my resentment.

To live with Pain....!

Two years back I hardly knew the meaning of pain.

The three months spent in the hospital fighting for my life taught me not only the brutalities of pain but also the harshness of life experiences.

Since landing myself into hospital, there was never a day when I wake up without feeling pain. Sometimes it is there in my leg, sometimes in my hips, sometimes in my neck. I hate crying as the fake pitiful expressions of people turn me off. I keep quiet knowing that the less they know about me, the less concerned they will pretend to be.

How do I face failure?

Recently I have started working in a NGO that paves a way for a better future of the orphans and the kids in the shelter homes. I have always loved teaching; it is something that I have been doing forever; it is my ray of hope during the bleak months of work pressure.

But that is not enough for me. I wanted to do something creative, something more than teaching. So I decided to apply for the mentor post. Between the huge load pressure of the upcoming SAT and fulfilling my dreams of going abroad, I gave it a fair try.

However, at the last minute I got to know that I have not been given the post. I felt defeated and sad. I was confident that I will get the post.

I never had a smooth life. I have seen people fulfilling their dreams without even trying hard for it, but my life has appraised, during every experience, my perseverance and courage.

I don't know why but this failure has affected me more than any other. This rejection was not only me not getting the mentor post but also a powerful slap on my skills as a teacher.

I am having a foreboding feeling that I have failed myself.

This huge burden of worthlessness has infiltrated each and every corner of my heart; since then it is ruthlessly playing with my peace of mind.

And I am rendered helpless by its merciless cruelty.

Loving the Wrong Guy

Adolescence, in my life, came with the tingling feeling of love and excitement.

I was a teenager when I learned that love requires a lot of sacrifices and endurance. The first thing that I felt in love was jealousy, the feeling that almost burns the heart. But Indian philosophies helped me overcome it. I taught myself to be open-minded and calm.

But love one sided, no matter how much one fought to make it work, always hurt. Where I have given every corner of my heart to him, he did just the opposite. Where I was totally into it, for him it was a fling.

Though somewhere deep down I knew the harsh truth, I over looked it.

I was naive enough to believe that my love can change him; I was stupid enough to think that I could leave the whole world for him.

However, life had something else planned for me. Some people are wise enough to see the truth but my love left me blind. When I needed him the most, he left me ruthlessly, proving my deep down fears right.

I sometimes wonder “If God gives me a chance to change the course of my life....Will I erase his memory from my heart?”

“No! Even though he is not in my life, I had the most beautiful memories with him, being with him has taught me to be strong, to endure and to love freely without expecting anything in return.”