When I Broke My Best Friend's Heart....

I am an Egoist and I hate that about myself!

I broke my best friend’s heart when I blatantly rejected his help and made him feel cheap.

My best friend is an aspiring computer engineer. We first met each other in Facebook. Whenever, my laptop starts to freak me out with weird problems, he comes to my rescue. I suck badly at computers, even at the most basics operations (not proud of thisL).

One fine afternoon, I saw that my computer has been attacked by sixteen system viruses. I felt as if lightening has hit my head. I carry my whole world in my laptop and I can’t bring out the strength to see it affected by that many “SYSTEM” viruses (a clear indication that my computer can collapse any moment). I immediately called my friend and asked him to come. He promised that he will stop by in the evening. He also brought for me a downloaded version of Windows 7 (a very thoughtful gesture on his part) for which I can’t thank him less.

He inserted the installation CD and started the formatting process. It was taking sometime. In order to pass the time, we started talking. In the middle of our conversation, one of his friends called. He asked me to remain quiet. But I refused to take his advice. I was shouting on the top of my voice. I was trying to make it sound as if I am his girlfriend. My hard work paid off and his friend hurriedly ended his call thinking that he is with his girlfriend. My friend was angry. He felt like killing me and repeatedly said that I have created more trouble for him. I felt a bit offended. I told him that it was a prank but he continued to blame me. In between, he said something that hurt my ego. I was deliberately searching for a way to hurt him. I don’t know why I wanted to behave so badly but I did. I, in a moment of whim, removed the installation CD and asked my friend to leave. He was shocked. Even when I was so rude, my friend was thoughtful enough to tell me that he will wait till the installation process was over. But I was adamant. I proudly told him that I don’t give a damn; I also added with a tinge of arrogance that I am fine without his help.

He left but kept behind the installation CD that he has thoughtfully brought for me. His abrupt departure made me hate myself more. I was feeling a thunderstorm of grieve and guilt. I wanted to go and bring him back. But at that particular moment, my pride was more important to me than my friendship.

As expected, he refused to take my calls. Every time, I told myself that I am fine without him. But that was not so. Whenever, I looked at my computer and saw the disastrous state it was in, I felt like killing myself for making him go. During the long months of his silence, I realised how important he is to me; I realised that he has become an integral part of my life. After the realisation has come, my primary aim was to get back my old friend. The only idea in my head was to write all my thoughts in my blog and mail him the link. I was somehow sure that through words, I can reach out to him; I can reach out to the friendship that I have broken so ruthlessly.

P: S:- It did pay offJJJ

Is Caste Enough A Reason To Decide One's Fate?

I went to meet one of my friends, Adrija, in the evening. She stays in Chennai and she has come to visit Calcutta for a short time. Her mother, Meenakshi aunty recently had an operation. Hence she was there during my visit. We were all sitting in the drawing room sipping a cup of tea and having pakoras, when aunty proposed to tell a story about caste discrimination.

The story was about Ria and Rahul (who was an air force officer). They met in a party and immediately fell in love. After going out for quite some time, they decided to get married. They informed their families. Initially, both the families said YES. But things started getting bad when Rahul’s mother showed disappointment regarding Ria’s caste. Rahul was from a Brahmin family and his mother wanted a bride who belonged to the Brahmin caste. Rahul tried to reason out with his mother but his mother was adamant. Rahul was torn between his love and his mother. Eventually, he married the girl whom his mother chose for him.

On the other hand, Ria was shattered. She found it very hard to accept the news of Rahul’s marriage. She went into depression and refused to marry again. She learned to bear the pain and live with it.

Three years passed, when Ria got the news that Rahul had died in a plane crash. As her brother was in air force, she got to know that Rahul had committed suicide. Rahul deliberately took the plane even when he knew that there was little amount of fuel in the engine.

The truth was that Rahul found it hard to cope with the loss of Ria. He was not happy in his marital life. When he found life to be hard to bear, he went into depression and finally committed suicide.

That’s how the story ended.

This story moved me not because I am a romantic but because it deals with a serious problem that prevails in our society and how two lovers were victimised because of it.

In India caste is a very important factor while deciding a bride for marriage. I remember when my uncle was getting married my grandmother was very possessive about the bride’s looks and the religion. I, being a girl of 21^st century, completely disagree with this. To me, the process of slotting people into different categories based on their religion is meaningless. Moreover, when two people fall in love they don’t see their religion but the connection they feel between them. Therefore, a big decision like marriage should not be done based on caste.

I have often thought about people’s psychology behind their possessiveness about their religion. The truth is that people are too proud of the various norms set by their religion. As a result, whenever they see that something is not in harmony with these norms, they become egoistic. Then, everything revolves around what they believe in and how they are going to mould the situation to make it right.

It’s because of these ego-centric, religiously orthodox people that our society suffers and innocent people are victimised. Therefore, caste discrimination is not only bad but it brings a lot of heart ache and hatred.

P.S:- Thanks to my friend, Sohini Dasgupta, for helping me with the title of today's post.......

Writing My First Blog Post Has Been Difficult!

I have been trying to write an article on racial discrimination since morning. But I am having trouble expressing myself. I have not written any article in the three months after my high school graduation. Hence, my skills became lax.

Every time I try to express myself, I feel dissatisfied with my work. This makes me frustrated and cranky. Sometimes, I feel like tearing my article. I have given the charge of editing to me brother who has great skills in writing. His comments about my writing were making me angry. He was laughing at my work and I felt hurt and humiliated. There were times when I wanted to quit but I could not as I feel like a loser. In time of such disappointments, I derive my inspiration from the movie, THE BEAUTIFUL MIND. There is a scene when John Nash, a victim of paranoid schizophrenia, thinks of giving up and going to the hospital for his further treatment. But his wife holds his hand and asks him to try again tomorrow. Therefore, whenever the thought of giving up comes to my mind, I tell myself to be strong like John Nash who fought against paranoid schizophrenia and became the father of modern economics.

I have not completed the post on racial discrimination today but I am definitely not giving up. I am going to try again tomorrow. As I believe that this is just a small obstacle on my way to a great post.