The "Forlorn" Life of The Hijras

While coming back from school today, I faced a sad truth about myself.

My car was waiting at the signal; I noticed a Hijra (Eunuch) approaching the car in front of me. She was begging. My first thought was if she comes and goads me to give her money. I felt scared. My hand instinctively went to the door lock. I felt relieved after locking the door as I knew that the Hijra cannot harm me in any way.

As expected she approached my car and asked me in her sweetest voice “amake ektu taka debe, Maa?” which means “will you give me some money, mother?” I was frightened. So I dumbfoundedly nodded my head and told her “na, nei amar kache taka!” meaning “I don’t have any money!” I was waiting for her to start her tactics. But she coolly went towards the next car.

In the book “AIDS SUTRA”, I have read about the lives of the Eunuchs who are victims of prostitution and social abuse. My father often tried to hide the book. As he felt that I was too small to face the realities stated on the book. I used to search every nook and corner of my house until I found it again. The book was about AIDS. There were many stories about how the Hijras were forced to get into their profession of either prostitution or beggary. There is a leader among the Hijra community, who determines the fate of the other Hijras. My aunt has a Hijra friend and she once told me that her friend wanted to study but she could not. My aunt’s friend was forced to abandon her studies as the leader felt that she will earn more money on streets by begging than going to college and completing her education. When my aunt encouraged her friend to complete her education, her friend replied that her life is already destroyed; so what was the point in completing her education. She also said that a taboo has been put on her by the society and she could never wash that off herself. Moreover, she knew that society will never accept her as its own.

After knowing about their sad life, I took a pledge that I will be different from everyone else. I promised myself that I will treat them with respect. But today through my behaviour, I realised that I have failed myself; I have failed to keep the promise that I made to myself.

The Hijras are not bad people. They are good. We find them different as they do not fit into our social realms. We consider them different because they do not fit to our definition of status quo.

Today I want to dedicate my post to all the members of the Hijra community, who are fighting to be accepted by the society, and to all my readers with the hope that by reading my post, they will get to know the sad realities about the "FORLORN" lives of the Hijras.

How To Find Inner Peace?

Life can sometimes be unpredictable. I have often faced moments, when all I wanted to do was to find a place where I will feel at peace with myself. I face most of my differences in thought with my parents. My parents are generally liberal but at times they become so orthodox that I feel like tearing my hair.

Few months back, I had the worst disagreement with my mother. My mother is obstinate; she has a tendency to hold on to her opinions and never bending them even when someone shows her the light.

My mother wants me to study in Lady Brabourne College which according to her best option left to me. The college is said to be one of the best college in Kolkata for girls but having taken classes, I have a different opinion. The teaching method is the same old way of dictating notes, students copying then and ultimately vomiting then in the university papers.

So I told my mother that I don’t want to study in that college. My mother was adamant. She stopped talking to me. She complained about me to my father and asked him to not talk to me. After a point I had to give in as she was making life hard for me.

Giving in is the hardest thing that I have done till now. I am a carefree, happy go lucky girl. I don’t like feeling restricted and bounded. One day, I was feeling so helpless that I broke down. The continuous pressure of my college and my mother was too much for me to take. I was crying heavily and planned to leave my home for few days. I was feeling disgusted that nobody tried to understand me. I went to my neighbour whom I dearly call Jathima (Elder mother). I told her that I am leaving. She was very calm. She asked me why I wanted to take such a big step. I proudly told her that I don’t want to stay in a place where my dreams and my opinions are not respected.

My Jathima listened to my opinions intently and then asked me to ponder on my decision. I was still burning with resentment. Therefore, I was not thinking logically.

Much later when I have calmed down a bit, my Jathima gave me the most important lesson of my life. She told me that no matter where I go I can never feel at peace with myself until I feel it inside my heart. Happiness comes from within. She also added that by running away, I can never learn to face my problems. The real challenge lies in facing the problem head on and then moving forward. She asked me to do my work patiently and find peace in something which gives me pleasure.

Hearing her lofty words, I became aware of the stupid mistake that I was about to make. I slowly got myself together and decided to go on with my work. Even though at times I feel lost; I feel that I don’t know where I will go; I try to have my faith in God intact. I know that after all these difficulties; God will definitely have something great in store for me next yearJ...

"Happiness is the art of never holding in your mind the memory of any unpleasant thing that has passed~ unknown"

SAT~ The Grinding Experience

Failure can be a bit daunting at times. For the past few years, I have been trying frantically to make my dream come true, my dream of going to United States for my under graduation. The dream is simple but the road to its fulfillment is extremely difficult as I have to crack the deadly exam SAT. I know that for few that exam is pretty easy to crack but I am among those students who are poor in taking it.

After trying for around three months, my scores have increased from 1460 to 1760. Frankly, I have no idea how I should feel as I want to get a score of minimum 2000. A part of me wants to be happy and the other part feels sad about not getting close to 2000. In spite of my repeated efforts, the score is stuck at 1760 and not showing any sign of going up. 

Sometimes, when my feelings become too overwhelming, I feel like giving up; I feel so lost that I don’t see any way by which I can make my dream come true. To add to it, when my Sir gives me my mock scores and I see that my scores have come down to 1640, I feel like drowning. A feeling of total loss engulfs me and makes me feel defeated.

Among all the sections in SAT, I find the Critical Reading section to be the most challenging. I am a slow reader which makes it hard for me to crack it. Moreover, I make tones of stupid mistakes in my Mathematics section which brings my Maths score to 580. That point is the most suicidal moment; I feel like killing myself for making those stupid, silly mistakes.

Even after such huge moments of failure, I am not among those people to give up. Therefore, I made a keen study on myself regarding SAT. I found out that I am scared of it. SAT intimidates me and that reminds me of a similar incident from my past.
I was in class 9 or 10 and I hated functions. The name of the chapter made me sloppy and irritated. My maths teacher loved teaching me that chapter. I used to think of excuses to avoid doing that chapter. To ignite my interest, he told me the story of a boy who was asked to go to the forest in the middle of the night and then come back to his house. On the first day, the boy was scared as it was night time, moreover he did not know the way to the forest. Since everything was dark and quiet, he found it difficult to bring out his courage to go to the forest alone at night. But he did not give up and somehow managed to go to the forest. The next day he was asked again. Unlike his previous night, he was more confident this time and was feeling a little courageous. This went on for quiet sometime until one day he was no longer scared of going to the forest alone at night.
My sir told me that my situation is similar to that boy. I am scared of a chapter because I let that chapter become heavy on me. I am bulldozed by it.

Yet again! The same thing is happening to me. I am being terrorized by SAT. When I take the test I think whether I can do well in it. I became so obsessed with getting my scores up that I lose concentration. Besides, I have noticed a change in me recently. I have stopped talking to most of my friends thinking that I will score poorly if I waste my time. I have quit watching television fearing that it will affect my SAT. I was always an optimist, but these days I find myself thinking more about failures than doing well in my SAT. Whenever, I think about SAT, I have a premonition that I am not going to make it to 2000. I fail to realize that by thinking in this manner I am doing myself more bad than good.

Therefore, from today onward, I have decided to take it as it comes. I have complete faith in my ability and I know eventually I will crack it. Till then I want to be happy and just relax....:):)

Calling My Mother An "IDIOT"!

I am awfully ashamed that I called my mother an idiot.

I have regular disagreement with my mother because of her overbearing attitude towards me. She is extremely possessive.

At times, it becomes tiring for me. I fail to control myself and say nasty things which make me guilty as well as unhappy that I have hurt my mother.

I cannot attend college regularly because of my health. Therefore, my college head has given me the permission to attend every alternate day. Today is one of those days. But I have already made a commitment to go to my tuition at 2 o’ clock. Hence, I had to cancel my college as my tuition was more important to me.

After making the decision, I called my mother and let her know that I cannot go to college.  But I told her clearly that my tuition is more important to me and I have to attend. She became upset.

After ending the call, my mother called one of my teachers and told her that I cannot attend classes on Thursday, as I have college. She did that without informing me.

I got to know about it when I called her after few minutes to talk about a different matter. She told me gleefully that she had a talk with my teacher.

I was "SHOCKED"! I was "FRANTIC"! I was "MAAADDD"!

I was upset not because she talked to my teacher but because she went behind my back and did it. When I tried to confront her she made all kinds of excuses, which made me more “MAAAAAD”. I don’t see any wrong in her talking to my teacher. But my point is that she could have let me handle the situation. But my logic is of no importance when my mother has firmly taken hold of her point; then the whole world is wrong and she is the only one who is right. I hate this egoistic nature of my mother. Therefore, when I tried confronting her, she kept on saying that what she did was right; as if I can't take care of a situation and that she has to come to my rescue. This attitude of hers made me "SO" angry that I shouted at her saying that she is an "IDIOT".

As soon as the word left my mouth, I felt bad.  I felt terribly ashamed as my ethics does not allow me to use such words for my mother.

I hate my mother for doing this to me every time, I try to defy her. This type of incidents keeps on happening as my mother never tries to understand me. If I do her bidding then I am the best daughter in the world; otherwise all her friend's daughters are the best. I am tired of making her understand that I have my own world and I know what my priorities are. I have asked her repeatedly to give me my own space but every time she makes me feel claustrophobic, which leaves me exhausted.

My mother is my whole world. I love her with all I have. Therefore, whenever we fight, I feel gloomy. I can't see her sad! My greatest weakness!

I hope one day she sees the inner heart of me and my world which is filled with hopeful dreams.

The Truth Behind Our Existence Is A "Tiny" Particle

I sometimes wonder from where we humans have come. What created us?

It is said that there was “nothing” when the universe was first formed. It was a ball of burning gases. In the one by billionth second, the energy got converted to mass and first element, Hydrogen, was formed.

Religion says that God is responsible for our origin. But I wonder, is it really true. Then how will we explain the recent scientific experiment that was conducted in CERN, one of the biggest particle physics laboratories where Scientists found the evidence of God Particles, scientifically know as the Higg Bosons. These particles are responsible for imparting mass to all objects in this universe.

When I first heard about this revolutionary experiment, I was both intrigued as well as overwhelmed. If the physicists have gone so far as to the one by billionth second after the big bang, then I wonder what will they find if they strive more.

Our biggest mystery in life is our origin. I don’t know about anyone else but I have often thought about the origin of the life. Well, we all know that we have come out of our mother. But by the origin of life, I mean how the universe was formed. How did “Cells” come into existence? Lastly, the million dollar question “What happened before the Big Bang” took place?

Until few days back, Science did not have answer to this question. Therefore, many people took aid of the religious philosophies. Religion says that God is our saviour; he has made us out of dust to do his bidding; to fulfill his mission on Earth.

But is it really true? Last month, we did find out that a “tiny” particle is responsible for our existence. It’s the interaction of this particle in the sub atomic level which has made our existence possible.

Then how can we firmly say that our origin was the creation of “GOD”.

"Sublime Enlightenment"

Education is important but, just studying and not playing can be a spoil sport. Sometime, during my premature adult days, I realized the dull life that I have lived. Something was missing. There were too many spoiled days with no work done. I am alive but not that alive to give something back to my society. 

In my gap year, I found out that students who get into the top universities are not only bright but also all-rounders. Someone has written and published a book, someone has opened an astrophysics club in his school, someone has learned 7 languages. When I placed myself among them, I felt small, I felt incomplete.

I decided to work for CRY, an organisation that deals in elevating the poor conditions of children in slums and motivating them to recognize their rights. On my first day, I went to a slum, where I had to train kids for a play, in which they showed the poor implementation of the RTE Act in schools. The play was hard but the children were dedicated. Their sincerity to make the play a success left me stunned.

On my second day, I, along with two other volunteers, went to Ramkrishna Mission, Golpark and set up a Cry Action Centre (CAC). CACs are outdoor booths where people not only come with their problems but also are made aware of the RTE ACT, the RTE ACT stands for the “Right to Education”, by virtue of which education has been made the fundamental right to all children between the ages of 6 to 14 years. The Act requires all private schools to reserve 25% of seats to children from poor families and also to give them their means of sustenance like books, mid-day meals etc.

Many people came forward with their problems, Some were related to improper implementation of mid-day meal, some were related to children being given Xerox copies of their text books, some more were cases related to corporal punishment. By the end of the day, our sheets were filled with complaints. We also got names of some schools were the above problems were noticed.

That day, I went home with a dazzling smile on my face. I was happy, after what felt like an eternity. Doing good to other does that to a person! We are all part of this society, which has given us everything, from culture to friends to relationships. It is not hard to Make a Difference, it’s all about the propulsion from within. Once the forward kick is felt, there is only one thing left, to fulfil our duties.

The "Chicken Bharta" Incident

I have faced some real challenges while cooking Chicken Bharta.

I live in a complex. We occasionally have Addas (small Get Togethers) in our Para which are often accompanied by Jal Khabar (Feast). In one such occasion, the members in our committee decided to put together a menu of Laccha Paratha, Chicken Bharta, Dal Makhani and Rasogolla. My brother is a fan of Chicken Bharta. Therefore, when I was having my food along with him; he mockingly challenged me to cook Chicken Bharta for him. Not any Chicken Bharta but the best Chicken Bharta made by Alibaba, a restaurant in our locality which specializes in Mughlai recipes. Since I am an egoist, I accepted my brother’s challenge and promised myself that I will be successful in removing that smirk from my brother’s face.

I cook occasionally but before that day I have never cooked chicken Bharta. I collect my recipes from the net and then experiment with them. Therefore, the very next day I started my research. I surf the net and collected quite a number of recipes.

Chicken Bharta is a Mughal dish; it is very flavour full and rich if cooked properly. The chicken should be minced and the blend of spices should be perfect or else the recipe will be a total waste. In short, it required a lot of work. But I was not the one to give up. Therefore, I cooked all the recipes that I have collected. But none of them were that good. Something was missing from all of them; moreover my brother ridiculed them. My brother has a special type of disgusting expression that he gives when my recipes are horrible or moderate. For those recipes, the horrifying, disgusting expression was more frequent than a positive review.

I was on the verge of giving up, until I found a cooking blog which has an awesome picture of a dish containing Chicken Bharta. The picture was quite similar to the Chicken Bharta which I had in Alibaba. I quickly jotted down the recipe in my cooking diary and went on to cooking it the very next day. I complemented the recipe with a dish of Jeera Rice which I got from one of my friend’s mother, Archana aunty. The recipe was fantabulous and I was ecstatic as my brother liked it and he gave a nod of approval. The gravy was of right consistent; the spices were of right proportion. I loved it.

P.S- for everyone else, the best Chicken Bharta recipe is available in the given link-

Chicken Bharta Recipe

Disgusted By The Lack Of Sensitivity In My Friend!

For the past few days, I am yearning to do something new and meaningful. When I stumbled upon the idea of teaching the slum children, I could barely wait to start. I wanted to share my motivation with my best friend, S, who is in her first year of college, studying Zoology Honors.

While coming back from tuition, I decided to stop by her place. It was afternoon and she was preparing to take her midday slumber. She was shocked to see me there. I quickly shared my thoughts regarding my cause and asked her to work beside me. She patiently listened to my proposal but refused to take part in it as she will be soon starting her second year in college. I felt sad not because she refused but because she gave the excuse that she will be starting college. I would have admired it if she would have told me that she did not want to do it. I refused to belief that she does not have three hours to spare in a week.

I was deeply affected by her refusal as I respected her. She was my role model. But these days, I find it hard to communicate with her. Whenever I talk to her; I feel a strange distance between us; her refusal haunts me.

I understand that she has responsibilities towards her family; I respect her for recognizing those responsibilities. But I don’t respect her for forgetting the responsibility that she has for her society. I am very close to S we are like sisters. We often go out for movies; talk endlessly over the phone gossiping or updating each other about the daily soaps. In short we waste endless amount of time doing nothing; but we hardly realize that.

I don’t believe in the fact that education is everything. That’s just one aspect of one’s personality. I am a staunch believer in extra-curricular activities. I have often heard people saying that just by teaching small number of slum children; nothing will change. But my point is if we don’t try then how will we know what will be the outcome. It’s all about motivation which until few weeks back I lacked. But now I have realized my responsibilities towards my society and I will definitely never give up without trying.

After all, Michael Jordan has said,

“I can accept failure; everyone fails at something. But I can’t accept not trying......”