Calling My Mother An "IDIOT"!

I am awfully ashamed that I called my mother an idiot.

I have regular disagreement with my mother because of her overbearing attitude towards me. She is extremely possessive.

At times, it becomes tiring for me. I fail to control myself and say nasty things which make me guilty as well as unhappy that I have hurt my mother.

I cannot attend college regularly because of my health. Therefore, my college head has given me the permission to attend every alternate day. Today is one of those days. But I have already made a commitment to go to my tuition at 2 o’ clock. Hence, I had to cancel my college as my tuition was more important to me.

After making the decision, I called my mother and let her know that I cannot go to college.  But I told her clearly that my tuition is more important to me and I have to attend. She became upset.

After ending the call, my mother called one of my teachers and told her that I cannot attend classes on Thursday, as I have college. She did that without informing me.

I got to know about it when I called her after few minutes to talk about a different matter. She told me gleefully that she had a talk with my teacher.

I was "SHOCKED"! I was "FRANTIC"! I was "MAAADDD"!

I was upset not because she talked to my teacher but because she went behind my back and did it. When I tried to confront her she made all kinds of excuses, which made me more “MAAAAAD”. I don’t see any wrong in her talking to my teacher. But my point is that she could have let me handle the situation. But my logic is of no importance when my mother has firmly taken hold of her point; then the whole world is wrong and she is the only one who is right. I hate this egoistic nature of my mother. Therefore, when I tried confronting her, she kept on saying that what she did was right; as if I can't take care of a situation and that she has to come to my rescue. This attitude of hers made me "SO" angry that I shouted at her saying that she is an "IDIOT".

As soon as the word left my mouth, I felt bad.  I felt terribly ashamed as my ethics does not allow me to use such words for my mother.

I hate my mother for doing this to me every time, I try to defy her. This type of incidents keeps on happening as my mother never tries to understand me. If I do her bidding then I am the best daughter in the world; otherwise all her friend's daughters are the best. I am tired of making her understand that I have my own world and I know what my priorities are. I have asked her repeatedly to give me my own space but every time she makes me feel claustrophobic, which leaves me exhausted.

My mother is my whole world. I love her with all I have. Therefore, whenever we fight, I feel gloomy. I can't see her sad! My greatest weakness!

I hope one day she sees the inner heart of me and my world which is filled with hopeful dreams.