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| Photo Credit: http://imgur.com/u37f4pC |
I am not proud
of some of the things I have done in my life. I am a selfish person. I only do
what I want to do, I only believe what I want to believe, irrespective of it
being wrong or right. I have lost people throughout. Sometimes I have cared,
sometimes I did not give a fuck. Why I am writing this post?
Because in spite
of being a horrible friend, a horrible sister, a horrible person, I have two
people, my brother and my best friend, standing beside me always, through everything
good or bad. And that is enough!
It bothered me
before, when I thought about how many friends I had in school, how many times a
week I used to go out clubbing, shopping or to the malls. It bothered me how
from being with so many people I ended up being with just one friend from
school, how I ended up being, spending all my time alone, inside the four walls
of my room. This room, where I am sitting and writing this post, just a month
back made me claustrophobic, suffocated me. Not anymore!
Somewhere
between then and now, I realised something. I realised how important it is to
take out time for me, to be with just me, to read my favourite book, to watch
my favourite movie, to spend an hour working out in the gym in spite of being a
lazy ass, to take a stroll on my terrace under a blanket full of stars with the
night surrounding me, to spend time sitting on my window sill, smoking a
cigarette and talking to me. It's amazing. It's the most beautiful feeling I
have felt in a long time. Just me and the world. How this happened? How I felt
the extraordinary out of the ordinary?
Well! It
happened when I opened myself to the world. It happened when I severed ties
with everything that I did not need, the people who does not matter, the world
that judges, the ego that grows, the self pity that feeds.
We, humans have
this tendency to cover our emptiness with people, we tend to cling to companionships,
intimacies, thinking that the key to our happiness lies with the people we are
with. It's true to some extent. It's okay to be with people and feel happy, and
complete. But that happiness, that sense of completeness does not last forever.
That happiness never grows. As there is no growth in emptiness. It's hollow. The
state of feeling whole and complete comes from within. Peace is an inner
journey, a mission to discover one as an individual in this vast universe.
In the end, it's
me and me alone that matters!
