Inferno!

I know quitting is a sign of weakness! I know quitting is a sign of cowardice! But what should one do when quitting is the only path to redemption.

I am a victim of claustrophobia, the intense feelings of having the walls around my room close on to me and leave me nothing but suffocated, of having trouble breathing and desperately wanting to run away to someplace new, someplace devoid of past memories. It’s not that I have not tried, but each time this desperation, this suffocation follows me.

I am not happy, not because I am not loved, not because I don’t have the things necessary to live, simply because I don’t know what I want. I crave things which I know is not right for me, I want those who will never stand by me. I want to belong, to be part of something, to bring together the missing pieces of my life.

For the first time I am restraining, not because it makes me feel safe, but because I know it’s the right thing to do. May be this hopelessness, this desperation is because of fighting my battle alone, of finding no one to turn to! May be this is life’s test to make me stronger, more harder! Or maybe this is another passing chapter in the never ending flow of life!