Estranged!

The loneliness persists and slowly eats away my determination to live peacefully. Sometimes, the pain can be avoided by doing the easiest things. But then, taking the easiest step needs courage, which presently, I am lacking. 

I have stopped talking to her. It hurts, it feels as if a part, a vital part is missing, but I welcome the pain. The pain is the reality and I am not afraid to face it. But confrontation I hate and I am dreading the outcome.

I don’t know what came in between us, why I am angry with her, why I have started hating her. I don’t want that. I never would. She is the dose I crave, I desire and I hunger for. Without her I am incomplete.

Then why, when I picked up my cell to call her, I could not? I dialed her number only to erase it and bask in my loneliness.

F-R-I-E-N-D-S

I first heard about her in class five, when someone said “She is crying again!”

Then, I first saw her in class six, she sat behind me. She and I had one thing in common, we both love “Shah Rukh Khan”.

Back then if someone would have told me that she will become my shadow, I would have laughed. To her, I was the most irritating, nayka (sissy) girl. But the one common thing (SRK) brought us together. During the lunch break, we often sang some of the tunes from Veer Zaara.

Over the years, life brought us together again and again. Still, I was unaware that she will become a part of my soul. Life has tested our friendship. We have often cried, we have often fought, we have often laughed. But nothing could batter the strong foundation of our friendship, our mutual trust and our mutual respect. We are just the opposite. She is frank, rational, emotional and I the impulsive, carefree dreamer.

I can never comprehend how we became friends. But at times, the answer is so obvious, she is the dose of reality that I need from time to time, she is the steady wind that propels me towards a better me. 

She is the only one from my past, who has stayed, who has accepted me for who I am, who has understood me before my explanation.

Fake Modernists (Part 2)

These days, going to the pub, drinking and smoking has become quite common. Almost everyone does it.

But the problem arises when someone heavily indulges in them.

My best friend, S, told me that two of her friends, P and N, are alcoholics. They often finish two three bottles of beer in empty stomach; as a result, on their way home, they become unconscious. The responsibility, to take them home, falls on the person who is accompanying them.

Sohu has a big heart; therefore when she got to know about this, she was horrified. She was scared that somebody will take advantage of them, in their delicately unconscious situation. Out of goodwill, she decided to voice her opinions. She warned her friends to reduce their alcohol intake and told them about the dangers attached to heavy drinking.

Sadly, her good suggestions were ignored. Few days later, she got to know that her friends have tagged her “Miss Old fashioned”. Moreover, she got to know from a common friend that P and N don’t consider her to be a good influence to their group. She was too prude to be considered a “Sophisticated Modernist”.

That night, when I called S, she informed me about this incident; she was morose and heartbroken. She had already started to doubt her morals.

I loved her too much to leave her in that condition. I knew that she was not wrong. After talking for hours, I finally succeeded in cheering her up. I told her to ignore P and Nat’s scathing opinions about her. When I saw that she has finally come back to normality, I relaxed and kept the phone.

I was so angry at those two girls that I could have killed them for making fun of my best friend and her great worldly morals. But as I started to calm down, I only felt regret, not for thinking of killing them but for their childish immature behaviours.   

A “Modernist” is not the one who indulges in smoking or drinking; it’s the one who takes the best of the east and the west. The mixing of the goods of the two different cultures makes a person “Modern”.

Disgusted By The Lack Of Sensitivity In My Friend!

For the past few days, I am yearning to do something new and meaningful. When I stumbled upon the idea of teaching the slum children, I could barely wait to start. I wanted to share my motivation with my best friend, S, who is in her first year of college, studying Zoology Honors.

While coming back from tuition, I decided to stop by her place. It was afternoon and she was preparing to take her midday slumber. She was shocked to see me there. I quickly shared my thoughts regarding my cause and asked her to work beside me. She patiently listened to my proposal but refused to take part in it as she will be soon starting her second year in college. I felt sad not because she refused but because she gave the excuse that she will be starting college. I would have admired it if she would have told me that she did not want to do it. I refused to belief that she does not have three hours to spare in a week.

I was deeply affected by her refusal as I respected her. She was my role model. But these days, I find it hard to communicate with her. Whenever I talk to her; I feel a strange distance between us; her refusal haunts me.

I understand that she has responsibilities towards her family; I respect her for recognizing those responsibilities. But I don’t respect her for forgetting the responsibility that she has for her society. I am very close to S we are like sisters. We often go out for movies; talk endlessly over the phone gossiping or updating each other about the daily soaps. In short we waste endless amount of time doing nothing; but we hardly realize that.

I don’t believe in the fact that education is everything. That’s just one aspect of one’s personality. I am a staunch believer in extra-curricular activities. I have often heard people saying that just by teaching small number of slum children; nothing will change. But my point is if we don’t try then how will we know what will be the outcome. It’s all about motivation which until few weeks back I lacked. But now I have realized my responsibilities towards my society and I will definitely never give up without trying.

After all, Michael Jordan has said,

“I can accept failure; everyone fails at something. But I can’t accept not trying......”