SAT~ The Grinding Experience

Failure can be a bit daunting at times. For the past few years, I have been trying frantically to make my dream come true, my dream of going to United States for my under graduation. The dream is simple but the road to its fulfillment is extremely difficult as I have to crack the deadly exam SAT. I know that for few that exam is pretty easy to crack but I am among those students who are poor in taking it.

After trying for around three months, my scores have increased from 1460 to 1760. Frankly, I have no idea how I should feel as I want to get a score of minimum 2000. A part of me wants to be happy and the other part feels sad about not getting close to 2000. In spite of my repeated efforts, the score is stuck at 1760 and not showing any sign of going up. 

Sometimes, when my feelings become too overwhelming, I feel like giving up; I feel so lost that I don’t see any way by which I can make my dream come true. To add to it, when my Sir gives me my mock scores and I see that my scores have come down to 1640, I feel like drowning. A feeling of total loss engulfs me and makes me feel defeated.

Among all the sections in SAT, I find the Critical Reading section to be the most challenging. I am a slow reader which makes it hard for me to crack it. Moreover, I make tones of stupid mistakes in my Mathematics section which brings my Maths score to 580. That point is the most suicidal moment; I feel like killing myself for making those stupid, silly mistakes.

Even after such huge moments of failure, I am not among those people to give up. Therefore, I made a keen study on myself regarding SAT. I found out that I am scared of it. SAT intimidates me and that reminds me of a similar incident from my past.
I was in class 9 or 10 and I hated functions. The name of the chapter made me sloppy and irritated. My maths teacher loved teaching me that chapter. I used to think of excuses to avoid doing that chapter. To ignite my interest, he told me the story of a boy who was asked to go to the forest in the middle of the night and then come back to his house. On the first day, the boy was scared as it was night time, moreover he did not know the way to the forest. Since everything was dark and quiet, he found it difficult to bring out his courage to go to the forest alone at night. But he did not give up and somehow managed to go to the forest. The next day he was asked again. Unlike his previous night, he was more confident this time and was feeling a little courageous. This went on for quiet sometime until one day he was no longer scared of going to the forest alone at night.
My sir told me that my situation is similar to that boy. I am scared of a chapter because I let that chapter become heavy on me. I am bulldozed by it.

Yet again! The same thing is happening to me. I am being terrorized by SAT. When I take the test I think whether I can do well in it. I became so obsessed with getting my scores up that I lose concentration. Besides, I have noticed a change in me recently. I have stopped talking to most of my friends thinking that I will score poorly if I waste my time. I have quit watching television fearing that it will affect my SAT. I was always an optimist, but these days I find myself thinking more about failures than doing well in my SAT. Whenever, I think about SAT, I have a premonition that I am not going to make it to 2000. I fail to realize that by thinking in this manner I am doing myself more bad than good.

Therefore, from today onward, I have decided to take it as it comes. I have complete faith in my ability and I know eventually I will crack it. Till then I want to be happy and just relax....:):)